How to Cheer Up Your Child When They Didn’t Do as Well as They Hoped

Every parent knows the bittersweet moment—your child puts their heart into something, waits for the results, and… it doesn’t turn out how they wanted. Whether it’s a test score, a sports competition, a music recital, or even an art project, disappointment can feel heavy for them.

How you respond in these moments can shape not just their mood for the day, but their resilience for the future. Here’s how to support, encourage, and gently help them move forward.

Start With Empathy, Not Solutions

When children are upset, our instinct can be to jump into fix-it mode. But before advice comes understanding. 

•    Acknowledge their feelings: “I can see you’re disappointed. You worked hard, and it’s okay to feel upset.”  

•    Avoid minimising: Phrases like “It’s not a big deal” can make them feel unheard. 

•    Sometimes, just a hug or quiet presence speaks louder than words.

Separate the Effort From the Outcome

Children often tie their worth to results. Help them see the bigger picture by praising their process.

•    Highlight effort: “I’m so proud of how much you practised.”   

•    Reframe the experience: Ask, “What’s something you learned while preparing?”

This builds a growth mindset—valuing learning over perfection.

Share Your Own ‘Not-So-Great’ Moments

Let them know they’re not alone in facing setbacks.

 •    Tell stories from your life where things didn’t go as planned and what you learned. 

 •    Keep the tone light—sometimes humour helps break the tension.

When they see that even you have stumbled and bounced back, it makes failure feel less scary.

Find the Silver Linings Together

Without dismissing their feelings, gently help them spot positives. 

•    Did they make a new friend through the experience?

•    Did they try something challenging for the first time?

•    Did they show courage when stepping up?

This shifts their focus from loss to growth.

Encourage Small Next Steps

Once they’re ready, help them plan for improvement—not as pressure, but as empowerment

   •    Set a fun mini-goal together. 

   •    Try a different strategy or practice method. 

   •    Remind them: one setback doesn’t define their future.

Your child’s self-belief is built in moments just like these—not when they win, but when they lose and still feel loved, valued, and capable. By meeting their disappointment with empathy, encouragement, and perspective, you give them one of the greatest life skills: resilience.