Understanding Emotional Masking in Neurodiverse Children

Emotional processing refers to the ability to recognise, understand, and work through emotions in a way that helps us manage our thoughts, behaviours, and overall well-being. It involves several key steps:

1. Identifying emotions – Recognising what we feel (e.g., sadness, anger, joy).

2. Understanding emotions – Knowing why we feel a certain way and what may have triggered it.
3. Expressing emotions – Communicating our feelings in a healthy and constructive way.
4. Regulating emotions – Managing emotions effectively to avoid becoming overwhelmed or stuck in distress.

The ability to process emotions is essential as it prevents emotional suppression, enhances self-awareness, improves relationships and reduces anxiety and stress. Emotions are a fundamental part of being human. They shape how we connect with others, navigate challenges, and understand ourselves. But what happens when emotions feel like an unsolvable puzzle—something just out of reach, difficult to decode, and even harder to express?

For many neurodiverse children, this is an everyday experience. Children with autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent conditions often struggle with emotional processing—recognising what they feel, understanding why they think it, and putting it into words. This can make social interactions confusing, emotional regulation difficult, and self-expression exhausting.

To cope, many neurodiverse children develop a survival strategy known as masking—hiding their genuine emotions and mimicking neurotypical behaviours to fit in. However, while masking may help them navigate the world more efficiently, it often comes at a high emotional cost.

Most people learn to recognise emotions naturally, picking up on subtle cues from their bodies and those around them. But for neurodiverse children, this process isn’t always intuitive

Many neurodiverse children experience alexithymia—a condition that makes it challenging to identify and articulate their emotions. This difficulty is only compounded by the intense sensory and cognitive overload they often face. Imagine being in a foreign country, desperately thirsty but unable to ask for water because you don’t understand the language. For these children, expressing their feelings can feel just as impossible—a daily struggle that impacts every aspect of their lives.

In addition, due to their difficulty expressing emotions, these children can also be seen to ‘’lash out,’’ reacting in ways that are seen as ‘’socially unacceptable’’. This often leads young neurodivergent children to be socialised to repress their emotions even further, leading them to mask.

So, what exactly is masking? Imagine wearing a cold, oppressive suit of armour that conceals your true self. At first glance, this armour might seem protective, allowing you to navigate social situations that feel overwhelming. However, over time, it gradually crushes the vibrant spirit within, leaving you feeling isolated, hollow, and disconnected from your authentic identity.

For neurodivergent children, masking takes many forms. It can involve mimicking the emotions and behaviours of their neurotypical peers, forcing eye contact during conversations, or suppressing natural, self-soothing actions like stimming. These actions aren’t meant to deceive—they’re survival strategies born out of social pressure, the desperate desire to fit in, or the constant fear of judgment.

The consequences of masking are destructive to neurodivergent children. The relentless effort to maintain this facade can lead to chronic stress, heightened anxiety, and eventual emotional burnout. In the long run, masking stifles the development of a true sense of self and exacerbates feelings of loneliness.

Our Co-founder and Wellbeing Manager, Laura Tristram, has first-hand experience in this as a mother and explains how easily educators and parents can misinterpret masking behaviours. “Neurodiverse children can become masters of modelling the neurotypical behaviours of their peers and can display as quieter members of the class, who won’t often put their hand up to answer questions, they are not necessarily having huge meltdowns or showing obvious outward signs of distress. This sadly means children can go under the radar and therefore are left unsupported, even though they are in real need of help. However, after a full day of masking at school, families can often see a very different picture, once the child is in a safer space, parents will often see meltdown, shutdown or emotional overwhelm”.

So, how can we help neurodivergent children and adults during neurodivergent awareness week?
Creating an environment where children feel empowered to understand and express their emotions is essential for their well-being. One practical approach is encouraging emotional literacy by integrating tools like emotion charts, social stories, and feelings journals into daily routines. These resources help children recognise and name what they feel. Equally important is creating safe spaces for expression, where every emotion is validated, even if it differs from the norm, ensuring that children know their feelings are always acceptable. Recognising that not every child is comfortable with verbal expression, exploring alternative communication methods is beneficial; creative outlets like art, movement, or sensory-friendly activities can offer powerful ways to express their inner world. Lastly, validating their emotions through empathetic communication—by acknowledging, for instance, “I can see this is hard for you. Do you want to talk about it or take a break?”—reinforces that their experiences matter, paving the way for healthier emotional growth.

As Neurodivergent Awareness Week approaches, it’s an ideal time to appreciate our differences and recognise that every perspective is valid. Each experiences emotions uniquely and reacts in their way. By taking the time to understand and support each person’s emotional journey, we foster an environment where everyone feels valued and understood.